October 09, 2012- Tuesday
I still have to blog about this weekend (clogged bathroom pipes and the midnight Walmart runs for Draino with dad), but I will get to that another time. I also forgot to blog that my parents are here with my nephew/god son, Joseph. They arrived last week Thursday night (Thursdays are good days for me :)) and I love having them with me. My sis/cousin has also moved in with her dog, and we are a full house of dogs, laughter and love :) I'm very blessed.
Today was a hard day for me, which surprised me. I thought I was fine, but I did have a couple breakdowns, but eventually got it together and God has shown me through strangers, long time family friends, and newly made friendships, that I am not alone and have so much to be extremely grateful for.
Lunchtime hit, and I needed to get out of the office. I have been feeling very overwhelmed at work and so I just wanted to be away for an hour. I didn't have my car with me, because my dad just dropped me off this morning so that he could have the car to take my nephew to the zoo and do whatever they wanted to do. I decided to walk across the street to the Biltmore and maybe have lunch there or just roam aimlessly. I did both. I roamed aimlessly, ended up in Macys walked through the shoe department, but purchased nothing. Walked finally to Paradise Bakery where I purchased a whole salad and found the perfect table by the fake tree in the crowded dining area big enough for just myself and discreet enough so nobody would notice I was alone. As I was having lunch, I went through my multiple messages on facebook, and then I received an email. It was an email from my former boss who told me she has been following my posts on facebook and now read my blog. She was so supportive. She shared some of her own medical struggles and expressed that my words have helped her. I couldn't help but cry. A man also having lunch alone next to me asks if I'm alright, because he saw me hiding my face in the napkin. I smile and say, yes. He says "as long as you're not dying" I laugh and say, "well, I'm trying not to." I explained I have cancer, and I just read a note from a friend so that's why I'm emotional, but I'm trying not to die by hopefully being rid of the cancer next week. He said I'm too young to die and too pretty :) lol! *sigh* I should've agreed and laughed loudly, but I was overwhelmed, so it was just a little laugh- ha!ha!
On my way back to the office, I sat in the patio-like area outside our offices for a few minutes just trying to digest everything that has been happening. I let a few tears out, and then went back to work. I needed a stamp and a friend was going to meet me by Starbucks to give me a stamp for the last thank you card I needed to mail out. He couldn't make it, but while I was waiting in line to buy my coffee, the gentleman in front of me asked what I was having, and he paid for my coffee. That made up for everything, and made me feel grateful and delighted.
The moral of the story: don't ever tell a stranger "as long as you're not dying" because they might be- lol! I'm just sayin... ha!ha! Free coffee from Starbucks makes everything better especially when it's a random stranger that pays for it :) Random acts of kindness does exist, and I am going to be OK.
Sidenote: I did have a mini breakdown on a coworker after work today. I just needed to cry and let it out. I needed it. I got home to read one of the most amazing personal messages from a family friend, and I am lifted once more, reminded that I am not alone, and that I should remain confident that all will be OK, because I am doing the best thing possible for myself and my family. I'm allowed to cry, but I will never have regrets about how I've decided to handle this and the route I have directed my life in choosing a double mastectomy. No physical feature will ever define or portray all that I am and more importantly all that I still can be. I am still me. I will still be me, but now a little more compassionate, less superficial, happier and a thousand times more grateful. I am so beautifully blessed and lucky. I know this-- I just need some reminding every now and then, and today God reminded me through facebook friends, the man at Paradise, friend with a stamp, generous stranger in Starbucks, co-worker with a shoulder to cry on, and a house full of laughter, love and unending support. I am grateful, for I am never alone....
"When things go wrong one after another, to experience some goodness in things, situations or people, and spontaneously feel grateful, is a passover from death to Life, a refreshing new beginning." — Pius Thekemury
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