9/1/2012 Prequel: telling my parents

September 1, 2012 - Saturday

It has been three days since my biopsy, which means, it has been three days since I washed my hair.  This is because I cannot get the biopsy site wet or risk infection.  I'm a freak about this, because I know sepsis would kill me faster than any cancer, so I need to make sure I don't get my incision wet and stick to the sponge baths for now.  That said, I cannot stand having stinky head.  I need to find a way to wash my hair, and cheap too.

I decide to go to the mall, and have my hair washed at supercuts or mastercuts, whatever is there that must be cheaper than some fufu salon in Scottsdale.  I make my way to the mall, careful still not to lift anything heavy with my left arm as my incision is still healing.  My mom calls me as I'm at the mall.  I tell her I'm at the mall, and she gives me all the depressing island updates. *sigh*  The economy and everyone is just suffering and struggling- always makes me sad.  I get off the phone with her, and text my cousins that I did it!  I spoke to my mom and I did NOT tell her about maybe having cancer and my biopsy.  That was hard.

Later that night I felt guilty about not telling my parents, and I figured I have three more days not a few weeks before the results come out, so it wouldn't be so bad for them to know now.  I called my mom back that night.  I begin telling her I have something that I had been hiding from her and dad that I need to tell her. She immediately responded, "You're pregnant!"  I immediately laugh, and respond, "No, but I wish!" ha!ha!  I tell her I wish I was pregnant, but no, my news is I might have breast cancer.  My memory is blurry from here.  I feel the short silence, and her worry.  I just continue that I'm healing now from a biopsy I had a few days ago, and I will get my results on Tuesday.  I let her know that I didn't want to say anything until I received the results, but I felt guilty speaking to her earlier and not telling her what I have been going through.  I let her know I was at the mall getting my hair washed, because I couldn't do it myself.  I don't remember whether we talked about anything else or whether I spoke to my dad that night.  I remember promising to let her know as soon as I found out on Tuesday (which would be their Wednesday).  I said I would email her, but for sure I would get the results then.  She said OK, and that was it.

I hung up and texted my cousins that my parents know, so no more secrets from the family if they wanted to share.  I also shared how funny it was that my mom thought I was going to report being pregnant.  I'm a 33 year old independent woman, why would I hide that? lol!  We will always be children in our parents eyes.  I just have to get through two more days until I get an answer.... this time EVERYONE is waiting with me.....