October 18, 2012- Thursday
Day started at 3:45 AM- after just a little over a couple hours of sleep, my alarm wakes me up. I wasn't able to get to bed until after 1AM. I got up, and showered my body in Hibiclens again as instructed by my doctor in preparation for surgery. I brush my teeth, put on my pink ribbon breast cancer granny panty and workout pants and my pink sports bra and pink "I got mad ninja skills T-shirt". Naomi bought a bunch of a similar shirts from Walmart for the women in our family to wear in support. I believe she posted some pictures in her blog updates for me, or I may be confusing it with facebook. Dad and mom are ready (little Joseph spent the night at Aunty Clare's house so both my parents could be at the hospital with me) and we leave and drive to Mayo clinic. We spent the entire day cleaning and prepping the house and dogs and everything the day before, so we are exhausted. Dad and I make fun of mom that she got super dressed up for the hospital- we have fun picking on each other-lol! I can smell her strong perfume that always reminds me of her :). I, on the other hand, smell like nothing as I was not allowed to wear deordorant or lotion or makeup or anything- not even contacts- glasses are on. We get there a little after 5AM (my appointment is at 5:30AM). I notice the sign outside on the hospital building says "NIC" brightly lit, and I was wondering from our practice run the night before what "NIC" meant-- the closer we walked to the building, I realized the "MAYO CLI___" was just burnt out, so it just meant building maintenance was not a priority for Mayo- I hope that's not a reflection of their care for the patients-lol! Just sayin...
I can't recall if mom, dad and I talked about anything significant on the way to the hospital. I don't think we did. Aside from teasing mom for being fancy, I think we were all exhausted, or at least I was. We snapped a few pictures together while waiting at the hospital. I checked in and they offered my parents coffee or water while we waited, but I was still restricted from even water since after midnight. Although not restricted, my parents were on their own voluntary fast and not having any coffee or anything either. The person at the check-in place for surgery gave me a card with my patient confidential number and a chart so that my family can follow me while I'm in surgery by looking at the TV monitors in the hospital for my number.
I was frustrated trying to get facebook to find my location so I could "check-in", and I finally gave up and just made a status update instead. Dad took a couple pictures of me and mom waiting, and then they called me in. I gave mom my cell phone to give to Naomi, because I knew she was coming and would be updating my blog. We had expected already that I would be alone for the pre-operation meeting and then my parents would be able to join after.
I meet a couple nurses and walk into a room. I am weighed and my height is taken. I weighed 123.something pounds this morning. I swear my mom put 10 lbs back on me with all the food she has been feeding me, but apparently not true and just a few extra pounds are on. The nurse then tells me they need a urine sample. I pee'd and showered this morning before I came and was restricted from having any water after midnight, so I wasn't sure I was going to get this done. She said "If you could just give me at least seven drops, that will be fine." OMG! I say OK, and take the cup and probably took a longer time, but was eventually able to give her something in the cup. I gave her the cup, and then she makes sure I have no jewelry or valuables on or with me, and I sign a paper saying I have no valuables with me. She then tells me to get completely naked, even underwear must be off and put on this giant paperlike blue gown, and then to lay on the bed in the room. She and the other nurse leave me alone. I realize all the blinds on the windows are open and I try to peek out and they look like the windows face somewhere in the hospital. I probably shouldn't care, but single woman living alone for 33 years is paranoid. I make sure that I get undressed and into the robe in a way that I'm not exposed toward the windows- lol! I laugh because God only knows who sees me or what they do to me while I'm under anesthesia, but I just felt better covering myself. They come back and ask a bunch of questions. They hand me white stockings that go to my knees and have a hole in the bottom. The hole is suppose to be under my feet right under my toes and then I'm suppose to place these purple "bear paws" socks over the stockings. I do this. They then put these velcrow pads that run from my ankles to my knees and these fill with air and massage my legs to help prevent blood clots during the surgery. It's freezing too, so they put this tube that attaches to my gown and I can adjust the controls, and it blows warm air in my paper robe so my body is kept warm. (Naomi posted pictures of these in an earlier blog). It turns out the urine was for a pregnancy test. I'm not pregnant- surprise, surprise- NOT! lol!
The younger looking nurse is going to put an ivy in me. I don't even think twice, but she keeps asking the other nurse who is busy with the computer whether she is doing it right and to come help her. By this time, I see a GIANT silver needle halfway in my arm and a plastic thing above it, the other nurse tells her, don't push it too far in, otherwise you will go straight through it. (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP). I'm thinking WTF!?!?! HELLO! Couldn't you have the first time nurse put an ivy in someone who has a cold and not fucken me who is about to have both boobs cut out and be under for more than 4 hours! REALLY??!! All I see is the GIANT silver needle going further in when the other nurse told her it should be coming out so it doesn't go all the way through. I'm watching and then one asks if I'm ok, and I say yes, but I'm freaking out a bit, it looks like you keep putting it in when she said to pull it out! OMG! THEN, the nurse says, "maybe it's better if you don't watch." HELLO!!! A little too late, McFLY!!! lolol! I'm laughing now, but SERIOUSLY. She finally gets in it and then she explains to me that she has done ivy's before, but she use to work at a different hospital and this was the first time she was doing this kind of ivy. She thanked me for my patience. lol! I still cannot believe that happened to me. She's lucky I'm not afraid of needles or blood. They begin connecting it to the ivy or whatever they were pumping in my veins (anesthesia later) and she said I should feel in cold running through my elbow, and I said yes I feel it. She then responds, then that means it's good, only veins will run through to your elbow. I'm thinking, she was not very assuring or convincing, but at this point whatever.
BUT WAIT! The drama does not end here for me. Nope. She had "consent" forms that I needed to sign before they began surgery. She had one from Dr. Bash (plastic surgeon) and I signed it. She asked what I was having done and who was my surgeon, I explained a double mastectomy and reconstruction by Dr. Gray and Dr. Bash. She then moans that I need to sign a separate consent for Dr. Gray, but she doesn't have one, because they didn't provide it. I'm thinking ok, we'll just get one then. She's not a happy camper (Victoria was her name, I liked her, but she was really tripping and making a scene that morning right in front of me and the rest of the surgical team). Anyway, this time, she's still calm about it. Dr. Bash comes in and she has me stand up and open my gown (facing the open window people that I had earlier apparently uselessly tried to avoid flashing-lol!) and she begins to draw over my boobs and mark the notes they need. I explained that Dr. Grey said he would do the sentinel node biopsy on both sides even though only the left had been diagnosed with DCIS, because I had calcifications on my right too that I did not have biopsied. She marked both sides for the lymph node biopsy. I love Dr. Bash! If any of you met her, you would love her too, so just incredibly there for you and just an overall great spirit about her. My parents were impressed by her too. She leaves off to get some breakfast before my surgery (Lord yes, please go energize and feed yourself is what I'm thinking-lol!). Later, another doctor I had never met before, an asian looking younger woman comes in. I believe her name is Dr. Stekle or something like that. She explains she's with Dr. Gray's team (Surgical oncologist), and the nurse complains to her that the consent paperwork was not made and the orders were not put in for Dr. Gray, so Dr. Stekle puts them in the computer after I explained Dr. Gray said I would have the lymph node biopsy done on both arms. She leaves and then Dr. Gray comes in later and he checks the marks that Dr. Bash had made, and then he explains to me that he will NOT be doing the lymph node biopsy on both sides, but only only on my left side that had DCIS. I was confused, but shit, he's about to be cutting off a couple body parts on me in less than an hour, I'm not trying to complain or argue, so I agree and he hand writes the orders and leaves. A couple anesthesiologists come in and they introduce themselves. I tell them, they are important to me and laugh. My parents and Naomi are allowed in and they visit with me for a few minutes and we hug and take a few pictures and then they leave.
The surgical team is ready to move me, but nurse Victoria won't let them, because the orders are wrong for Dr Gray. She has to page the other doctor to change them. The other doctor put in the computer double sentinel node biopsy and Dr. Gray wrote down single (only my left side). The orders didn't match and so I couldn't sign the consent and nurse Victoria would not let them wheel me out without the consent. It begins to get uncomfortable and the anesthesiologist tries to make me more comfortable talking to me. One asks what I do for a living and I say, I'm the reason you guys are having drama now and not letting me go to surgery without the perfectly matched consent form to the computer form to know what will be done to me- I'm a lawyer, although I don't practice, I work for lawyers. I think I calmed everyone down a little with the fact that I wasn't being made anxious about the right hand not knowing what the left hand was doing delay. I said, it's ok, I understand, it all needs to be done correctly. They assured me they work better together during the surgery- we laughed, I sure as hell hoped so. Finally, they get a doctor to change it, and they wheel me to the operation room which looks and feels like nothing I've ever imagined. It felt more like a big gym room rather than the small operation room I've often seen on TV shows. I don't remember anything between that time and maybe sometime after 5pm. I remember somebody waking me up, and feeling so nauseous, it felt like the worst hangover EVER. Later, I found out it was Dr. Bash who first woke me up. I barely remember her saying everything went great. I remember not crying but being glad I was alive and the recovery nurse checking on me often. She stayed sitting by my bed, but was a blur because I was hung over and I didn't have my eyeglasses! There were only curtains that separated me from other patients in recovery. I could hear them. I was dizzy and felt like complete crap. I moved my leg a little, and then I asked the nurse, "Is there something in my vagina?" She said yes, there's a catheter. I laugh and thank God for two reasons, 1. something was there and the nurse was aware so it was suppose to be there and 2. I don't have to move to use the restroom, because moving my head to look another direction made me feel like wanting to die how nauseated I was. OMG! My older brother explained the hangover feeling the best way, which is exactly how I felt in recovery. It was like my brain was the size of small marble and it was bouncing everywhere like crazy in my head and I was just waiting for it to grow back to normal size and stay still and be normal again. It was that bad, if not worse. I was in recovery a long time (more than 2 hours for sure), but I was a little glad, because I did not want to have to see or talk to anyone, I couldn't. The nurse said she was getting me something for my nausea, but not sure if she ever did. I just wanted to stay asleep. They let my mom in to come and see me while I was in recovery. I don't remember much about talking to her or anything, but just feeling happy I was alive and she was there and also knew I was alive. I can't really remember, but I think it was here where I also asked whether I still had nipples, and they told me yes! It seemed to me like everything went as best it could and I was grateful. Mom went away, and I was left in recovery. Everytime the nurse would say they are cleaning a room for me, and it's ready, something else would happen and hold me longer in recovery. FINALLY, they rolled my bed through elevators and halls to the room that I would be staying in. I was still out of it and in pain. When we reached my room, I had to scoot over to my regular hospital bed from the recovery bed once they placed the bed side by side each other. I don't even know how I did it, but it happened. I had no sense of direction or how I got there or where I was. I just knew I was in a bed in a room where my family could finally come visit me. Not even a few minutes pass and my parents and Naomi and aunty claudia come in the room. I talk with them and am in good spirits. The nurses keep coming in and opening and closing my velcrow bra checking my incisions and whatever else they were checking. It hurt EVERY TIME. My friend Julia comes in shortly after first seeing my family and we all talk and laugh. Aunty Claudia I think had been waiting over three hours with my family. She brought over a huge basket with all kinds of candy and I swear she went to the magazine section in some store and grabbed one of EVERY magazine for that basket-- SERIOUSLY! I have Men's Health, People Style, Oprah, Cosmopolitan, Woman's Garden etc. and some color pencils and a sketch book- lol! I'm not sure how she carried that all from the parking lot, it was a heavy gift basket. Food comes in and I am STARVING! Remember, I feel like I had the worst hangover EVER, I'm thinking some food will help here. I'm excited to eat. They say it's soup and mom starts attempting to spoon feed me, so SLOWLY! I'm frustrated and complain she needs to be faster and they put a straw in the soup and I sucked up what must have been half a cup of broth-- WTF? Don't they remember I haven't eaten ANYTHING since the night before-- Are they trying to kill me with starvation! I WANT FOOD! But they have orders keeping me on a liquid diet, so the torture continues. I tried to eat some of the jello but it burned my throat for some reason.
They bring me lots of graham crackers and salted crackers though, because I keep asking for them. I can't get enough. Dad had stepped out somewhere. The nurse or doctor or I don't know anymore came in to check my boobs again, and they opened my bra and we showed my boobs to mom, Julia, I'm pretty sure aunty claudia was still in there unless Dad was away walking her out, and Naomi. I didn't care. Quite frankly, I hadn't seen them yet until probably just then and still wasn't really able to. They explained the stitches on the outside were liquid and I still had tubes coming out my sides for draining reasons which we have to drain ourselves at home. This is a pic of the drains that first day. I have one tube coming out each side of me, and we need to keep track of the amount of liquid each time we empty the drains. It's so GROSS!
They velcrow me shut again- HURTS every time. My urine is color green from the blue radioactive dye they had to use for the sentinel node biospsy (by the way, Dr. Gray told me the next day he had forgotten about my calcifications on my right when he first went and spoke with me, and by the time he remembered from reviewing my chart before my operation, he said I had already had my "happy juice" so he went ahead and did the lymph node biopsies on BOTH sides. So much for nurse Victoria matching orders- and Dr. Gray is married to an attorney too! lol! Thank God. Now, really no questions about it spreading! I'll update the lymphodema Dr. Gray discussion in the next day blog).
With each changing nurse and doctor, they change the names on the whiteboard in the room so I can keep track. It's a nice size room and the bed is amazing with how it can lift and recline.
A man comes in with a device I'm suppose to use to help prevent pneumonia I remember asking his name, but I forgot it. He teaches me how to use it, and he says a woman my age should be able to get it to 3500-- this time I'm breathing with it at 1500-- I look at him and tell him I have old lady lungs. It catches him off guard and we all laugh.
Finally, everyone except mom leaves. Mom stays the night with me. The nurse this night is very young looking and nice- I believe she was Lindsey (I met two or three Lindseys during my stay). I'm out of it most of the time, and have no reason to leave my bed since I have the catheter. I explained to the nurse that I felt like I needed to pee so something might be wrong with the catheter, but she said everything was fine. I wanted to tell her, my bladder apparently doesn't agree! sheesh! With positioning, I eventually got comfortable again. The nurses come regularly to keep me drugged. In the middle of the night tonight, however, she came in because the machine was screaming that my blood pressure was too low. This time I wake up and I am in IMMENSE PAIN. It's NOT my chest, however, it's my back! The pain is INCREDIBLE! I can't do anything but CRY. Mom comes up to me and nurse comes on the other side. I explain my back pain is killing me. I think I've been laying flat too long and I need to lay on my side or something, but don't think I can because my tubes for my drains on my sides and incisions on my breast. I can't stop crying, and the nurse can't give me a pain med because my blood pressure dropped too low. She says we can try to turn me to my side if that's how I usually sleep to avoid the back pain. We attempt and I roll over to my left side (the most painful side of course) and she slides some pillows behind me. This relieves some of the pain, but not all of it-- BUT it's definitely still better than when I was laying flat on my back. Remember I have been flat on my back for almost 24 hours straight by now, my muscles are mad at me. I try to get comfortable and get some sleep and later they finally give me some drugs and I turn over more frequently. It was a hard and horrible night :( .... Here are some pictures of my room that my cousin Naomi took that night too.
