I promise I will get to blogging all that happened after surgery, but for tonight, I just want to blog about tonight. I haven't been able to blog, because my right arm got worse starting probably around Thursday. I made a sling out of a scarf to keep from using it, and I have been lifting it on pillows above my heart when I'm lying down as I read in the lymphodema information packet about preventing lymphodema-- but my right arm still hurts. I couldn't bend any of my fingers, so the other night I took 800mg of ibuprofen (prescription I have for my back problems) twice seven hours apart, and the next morning my four fingers could bend again, but as of now I still cannot bend my right thumb, and I have a shooting pain from my elbow to my wrist when I reach my arm out. I don't know if I'm suppose to refrain from using my arm or force myself to exercise it through the pain. I've been doing a little of both. I have an appointment Tuesday with my surgical oncologist and then all day Friday with a physical therapist and my plastic surgeon (right nipple still hanging in there, but it looks like its ready to fall off-- hoping it's a scab that falls off, but we shall see). Also, people, please when you see me, let's not discuss my nipple falling off. I have a great friend (well intentioned) who visited with me the other night and she was telling me how she apparently has told ALL OF HER FRIENDS WHO ARE STRANGERS TO ME how my nipple might fall off laughing about my blog. Yes, I laugh, but please I'm still a freaken human being, a WOMAN. Keep those comments to yourself that you apparently laugh about my personal struggles/physical deformity. It's one thing for me to make light of it and cope with my dear close friends and family or strangers on the internet through this blog who I will never meet, and completely another thing for you to tell me you've been laughing about it with your other friends who I may potentially meet one day. Just use some common sense people. Yes, I am putting myself out there with this blog, but it's the easiest way for me to keep my friends and family and others updated. When I joke and laugh with people, it's usually to help make those I love and care about not feel uncomfortable or sorry for me and it helps me cope and put things in perspective, but it does nothing but make me feel bad about myself when you tell me you have been broadcasting something so personal about me to strangers who I may encounter and that you laugh about it. Be more sensitive. That's all. If you are my friend, I can laugh all day with you about it. And I do appreciate those of you who have sent positive thoughts and prayers for my nipple (I do! you know who you are who have texted and messaged me- Thank you!)- Lord knows I want God to hear us all. It's the sharing it with strangers and laughing about it like it's a joke that I would rather not know about-- little rude and insensitive... I'm just sayin..... *sigh*
Tomorrow is my first day back at work. I hope it goes well. My left arm still hurts to extend out too much and I feel my incisions when I over exert it, but I can deal with this. My right arm, however, has me so frustrated. I was just worried I might have a blood clot or I don't know, but I guess at least it's just my thumb that I cannot feel now. I am grateful my other four fingers got feeling back. I'll find out from the doctor Tuesday what is going on, and then all day Friday I have multiple appointments to deal with the rest of it. The physical therapist will hopefully tell me what I should be doing to prevent lymphodema and how I should be exercising my arms. My incisions haven't healed completely either. I still feel them burn sometimes when I get sweaty (I know, gross). I hate sleeping with a sports bra, but I have to. The pain in my arms and fear of lymphodema had me forgetting about my breast incisions that I don't think I have been taking care the way I should have been. We'll see what the doctor says Tuesday. So, this week, I will be working Monday, Wednesday and Thursday since I have to be at the hospital Tuesday and Friday. It's a good way to start back into work- not a straight five days in a row. And then we have a big birthday/I beat cancer party Saturday :) I'm looking forward to that. It will be fun! I hope my arms are better by then, but if not, I will still enjoy myself :)
That's it for now. I thought my journey would not have much more to blog about, but it's not looking that way for now. I truly hope to be 100% again by December.
Here's a picture of how I spent my Friday night against the rules (shouldn't be with the dogs until I'm completely healed) with my son(dog), Rafiki, laying on my stomach, my niece(dog) Roxy on the floor, and my nephew/human kid (lol!) lying beside me playing with his DSI as I watched TV. All was well in the world that night even with my partially numb and painful right arm :)
Final picture of the day-- I ordered this sticker online that is now part of the montage of stickers on my laptop. My dad saw it, and laughed at first, but then IMMEDIATELY was upset, because he said I am calling myself a bitch. ha!ha! I guess I should be happy he has that reaction. He's the BEST! Protecting me even when it's me doing the name calling on myself. I know, probably not the classiest thing, but it's my laptop, and I mean bitch in only the good way (there's a good way, right? lol!). Maybe one day I'll buy some vinyl letters and change it to "woman" :) Goodnight, good afternoon or good morning whenever you're reading this...
“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
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